Four years ago today, my brother, Benjamin Lee Pittman, died, at 4:40 p.m., as I sat beside him in the bed holding his hand. I can still see the digital clock on the headboard flipping over to 4:40 as he took his last breath.
For myself, this is always a rough day. I suppose a part of me will always be there in that moment of time. It is impossible for anyone to really understand the devastating impact such a thing has on someone unless they have experienced it themselves. There IS no "getting over it" , like a loved one's death is a disease to get over.
You are left in agony over such a deep loss, it may not be apparent to others, as the grieving person learns to hide the pain from others just to get along in what is left of their own life. But it is there, nonetheless. Certainly some people seem to be able to 'bounce back' from such a loss, but most people don't, and I suspect that those who seem to be able to bounce back are just better actors in most cases.
To others who have also lost loved ones, I send you symbolic hugs, knowing that there are no words that can ever come close to easing the pain. Just know that you are not alone, and as life goes on for those of us left behind, there will be good days and bad ones, and just putting one foot in front of the other is sometimes all we can do. And if that is the case, then that is okay, too.
There are no real 'rules' for the grieving process. Sometimes people are never able to be who they were before the loss, sometimes people do find a way back to some semblance of normalcy. But no one is ever quite the same. Find your own way, try to focus on as much of the positive as you can, and just breathe, as you take your steps along the journey of your own life.
To my beloved brother, I miss you, love you with all my heart, and look forward to seeing you again someday. Til then, rest in peace, my brother
Tonight, at http://www.aghnation.com , home of The American Ghost Hunter, Ryan Buell of Paranormal State graced us all with a wonderful personal video chat.
The turnout was incredible, well over six hundred plus people showed up to share in the chat. Justin of AGH and Evan the moderator did a very good job of overseeing the whole thing, Chad Calek of AGH popped in right before it started, gave everyone a fun video shot of his adorable dog Capone, and kept watch with the chatters as we counted down the hours then the minutes until Ryan showed up.
While there were some of the typical and rather funny questions thrown around, overall Ryan did a great job of focusing on questions that dealt with his work, the "Darkness Falls" episode of PRS that is due to air tomorrow night, and various other more paranormal topics, with some good humor thrown in along the way!
We all totally enjoyed the more personal setting of being with Ryan in this video chat, as it definitely humanizes those who attain that mysterious status of 'tv personality' from having their own television show. It is a great thing, as well, that Ryan took the time out of his very busy schedule to meet with his most dedicated fans in a video chat. It speaks volumes of the character of someone who has achieved any level of fame yet does not think themselves above those who helped put them in that position through their support.
It was also noteworthy that Ryan was more than happy to honor Chad Calek and the crew of AGH for the work they have done, and it is recognition that is well deserved. There are many of us eagerly awaiting the eventual release of the AGH movie "American Ghost Hunter", a movie that Ryan Buell himself came on board to help get done, and for him to make sure he gave credit to Chad for his work on tomorrow's episode as well as the other work Chad has done is appreciated.
Thumbs up to all those who worked so hard to make this happen...to Ryan for being there, Chad for making it possible, Justin and Joe for their hard work with AGh, to Evan for his excellent job along with Justin in moderating that insane but fun chat, and to all the chatters who showed up and helped make it a success.
Here's to many more great chats in the future...and I hope to see everyone at the
It has been a totally insane time during the last half of 2009. I went on vacation in June, and when I came back, it seems everything went wonkers at work.
My main co-worker was working fewer hours due to being pregnant, I was working longer hours, then she went on maternity leave and I wound up putting in ten to twelve plus hours a day. NOT a lot of fun there...
Add to that some family issues that had me stepping in to carry the load for others financially, (which I am still doing at present), along with struggling to keep my vehicle running, and hopefully people will understand that I simply had to back out of everything else for a while until I could get things down to a dull roar.
It is frustrating, honestly, to so love what we are trying to do, but to have other factors pop up that keep you from doing what you love. I'm not the only one who was hit, either...our co-founder had her OWN real life issues to deal with, too!
At present, I am taking steps towards setting up my own photography business, so that I can eventually have the free time I need to do what I truly love to do beyond taking pictures, which is, of course, paranormal research. :D
Now I am in the process of updating our various sites, including Myspace and Twitter and this one, so stay tuned, as it shouldn't take too long to square things away and light the fires once again!
Thumbs up!
I just posted a message on my Myspace Blog, I have no idea what the reaction will be, but I am hoping it will be positive, and might be a way for people to commit publicly to taking a stand on improving the paranormal field.
Included in that post are a couple of graphics that others are free to use, to show their support and endorsement of what I think are some important ideals.
Feel free to read it and share your own views. I'm hoping it will help build a more positive environment in the paranormal field, as more and more people take an ethical stand and choose to focus on the positive. :)
Here are the graphics I posted there, and I hope that anyone reading this who agrees with the principles set forth will use them and spread the word...
And here is a blank one of the first graphic that anyone can copy and then put their own individual or group name on by simply using Paint....
The main site for the USTREAM Live Stream Is:
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/traxlive-paranormal-investigators for my stream,
and http://www.ustream.tv/channel/traxliveky for the Kentucky livestream.
I've embedded both streams here on this site on the "TRAXLiveStream And Chat" page, along with a basic chat that I plan on updating later when I find a better one to use.
I certainly hope to see people show up and participate in our upcoming livestreams, not just for investigations, but for a weekly program we are planning on kicking off soon. I also have some evidence from a recent investigation that I will be uploading on our videos, photos, and evps pages, so be sure to check back to review them for yourself.
Have a great evening, and see you on Myspace or Ustream!
p.s. - feel free to invite us as friends on myspace, the URL is http://www.myspace.com/traxspace . :D
CONGRATULATIONS BOBBIE JO!
Her baby has been born! Welcome to Robert William, 8 pounds...19 inches! FINALLY!
LOL!
We love you, and are thrilled that your baby boy has arrived. Take it easy, rest up, and know that we are sending you tons of love and prayers!
WE LOVE YOU!
Just made this and put it on my myspace, if anyone wants to use it, feel free to copy and paste it on your own site. :)
WONDERFUL Bunch Of People On Ustream!
I just logged out of an incredible experience on Ustream...
I was fiddling around, getting things set up for my future video feeds there, decided to look around and see if there were any other paranormal shows on, and I see a link to American Ghost Hunter, so I clicked on it to check it out.
Imagine my total shock when Ryan Buell of Paranormal State popped up on my screen! I literally nearly fell out of my chair! lol!
The chat was on fire, scrolling so madly that it was practically impossible to keep up with it. There was so much traffic hitting the server that it was booting Ryan's feed, he had to keep restarting his camera.
He logged off after a while, then after some people had left, he logged back on, but there were still a lot of people in chat. He answered some questions, most of them rather silly ones from young girls, then finally logged off for the night.
I hung around, and got to chatting with some of the people who stayed like I did, and what a wonderful experience it was. We have been chatting for several hours, and here it is two forty a.m. and I just logged out, only because I have to get some sleep before going to work tomorrow. I truly hated to have to go, it was such an awesome experience.
Once the groupies left (lol, I don't mean any offense, but, well, anyway!), the rest of us opened up more and more, and I got to see people's hearts laid out, It was incredible, and I am amazed at how much we have in common.
So if any of you make it here to my brand new little baby blog, welcome, and thank you for a truly inspiring moment in time, when strangers from all over the country connected on such a deep level. It was priceless.
And thanks to Ryan, who will doubtless never see this, but thanks anyway, because it was through your live feed that I got to meet these very interesting people.
The anniversary of my brother's death was February 3, so being able to talk about him meant a lot to me. I think I will add a memorial page, dedicated to his memory, and I will include some in depth information about me as well. If nothing else, maybe it will help others who have also lost loved ones, and let them know it is okay to open up and share.
Thanks, guys, it was great!
Is It Real, Or Just In Our Minds?
Yes, I do believe in ghosts, spirits, whatever label you wish to use. I believe in an afterlife, though my thoughts on what it consists of aren't set in stone.
I have seen a full bodied apparition, and if you ever see one yourself, you will understand that no one can ever convince you that you didn't see what you know you saw. It was as real as the computer I am typing on now.
However, I have to wonder how much of what we experience may be just our minds struggling to make sense of some anomalous sensory input that we cannot at that moment understand, so we attribute it to a paranormal source.
This isn't to say that all things that go bump in the night are merely figments of our imagination. But I do believe we need to be very cautious in stating that something is absolutely of a paranormal nature.
And even if a lot of what we experience is 'just in our minds', does that make it any less real? Just because we cannot AT THIS TIME document something with the equipment we have on hand, that does not mean it wasn't paranormal, it doesn't mean that perhaps our minds are able to perceive things that our various tools cannot document or verify.
We may never be able to document scientifically the things most of us experience that are of a paranormal nature. We CAN strive to eliminate as many potential natural explanations as possible, document what these anomalies are NOT, and therefore narrow down the potential explanations for an event.
And even if most of what we see, hear, feel, or sense cannot be proven to someone's satisfaction using science, it's important to remember that ESP has been documented for decades, shown to be erratic but that it does exist, and that is something that originates in our minds, an ability that we are still working on understanding and fine tuning. We may be tuning in to some mental mind frequency that allows us to connect across time and space with those who have lived before while they are yet alive in their time, or perhaps communication with ghosts and spirits is truly only possible through our minds, and therefore cannot be documented, at least not with the tools we have at present.
Regardless, we will continue to record whatever we find, and hope that someday we may be able to quantify the wealth of anomalous experiences that we humans continue to experience.
A Grain Of Salt, And Orbs
Let's talk about the much debated phenomenon in paranormal photography.....orbs.
My profession is photography, and as I learn more about cameras, especially digital cameras, I am coming more and more to the position of dismissing outright at least ninety nine percent of orb pictures.
What people do not understand about cameras, more importantly digital cameras, is that the setup for the flash with personal cameras has changed from the way flash was set up for film, and it has led to this controversy.
It is all about the positioning of the light. Think about the pictures you have had taken at a professional photographer's studio...how many orbs have you seen in them? none? do you know why?
Because the light is not only diffused through a softbox, it is also offset from the camera at a large angle, to provide a more thorough generalized lighting of the area being photographed. The film cameras we grew up with had this same sort of setup on a smaller scale, with a large flash unit that either sat high above or far to the side of the camera, or was attached via a cord and held in the other hand.
Not so with today's digital cameras. The flash unit is contained within the camera body, typically right above the camera lens. This projects a hard, undiffused light straight at the target of your picture, and with any dust or pollen or lint or even bugs that may lie between you and the target area being illuminated from only one side, you are left with a nebulous circular form that the camera cannot focus on and resolve into a clear picture. The focus remains on the more distant object, while the dust or whatever nearer the lens is unfocused.
This holds true even for infrared nightshot conditions, and is another reason I am not a fan of conducting an entire investigation in the dark. You are still left with a camera struggling to focus in a poorly lit environment, and it will go to the larger mass object further removed from it, leaving any airborne particles closer to the lens unresolved, unfocused, blurry, and giving a false sense of something ghostly.
In fact, unless you have a specific lens for close up shots, it is nearly impossible for most cameras to clearly focus that close in. It's just the way they are made. And just as your eyes struggle to make sense of things in the dark, it's even worse for your poor camera lens, trying to find something to focus on.
There is still that one percent out there that may well be a real ghostly orb, but with the flood of dustandmore orbs, it is going to be hard to prove beyond any shadow of a doubt that it truly is a good piece of evidence.
The debate will continue for some time, I am sure, but for myself, having learned what I have about cameras and photography, I will hold onto a grain of salt when reviewing orb photos.
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